Flood or Famine?

So I realize that in this Christmas holiday I should be so focused on the festivities and joy. However, I'm currently distracted with about a billion other things. I know that for the past few months this blog has been more a journal than anything, and I'm sorry you have all had to deal with my crazed psycho inward self, but it may continue for a little while and I just ask that you bear with me. Now let's get started.
First of all, why is it that boys only like you in waves? As in there are half a dozen who are interested all at the same time, or the polar opposite; aka famine. And why is it that the "boy next door" role is never as intriguing as the "bad boy"? And why, when I know what is good and right am I having such a hard time turning away from said, "bad boy"? What makes it such a rush, such an experience that entices and teases?
Second of all, how much will I miss out on if I settle down with someone I'm not school -girl -giddy over (rhetoric question)? How long will I keep thinking, "what if that charming, handsome, exciting one is out there just waiting for me?" and when will it turn into, "I shouldn't have turned down all those amazing guys years ago." How do people do it without the guidance of the Spirit? How do they know they've made the right decision? How did you know? What am I going to do with myself?
You may be thinking to yourself, "Oh Camille, you silly girl. Don't you understand that it's not really that important and that it will pass before you know it? Don't you know that it is better to not stress at your age?" Well dear friends, the answer is yes I do understand and I do know. But I don't have many other worries, so what's to prevent me from allowing this one for now? It really is a big deal, because the choices I make or do not make now will affect the rest of my life. So please don't judge me as I travel through this up and down of crazy boy thoughts. Just remember that you were once here and that teenagers are supposed to not think clearly. They're still just teenagers.
Once again, thank you for your patience with me and the boring-ness of my blog these days. I promise, after Christmas you'll get a breath of fresh air from this drama. Merry Christmas everybody! I hope it's a meaningful year for you all.

The Week of Dates

Once upon a time there was a girl named Camille. And this girl was asked out for three dates in one week. "Sounds like fun", she thought and so she said yes to each date.

Date number 1: Sledding at a ward activity with Chase. For dinner they went to a fun little place called Pounders. It was Hawaiian and uber tasty. After they went to the slopes and had a lot of fun, except her tube she so painstakingly blew up deflated the first run down the hill. By the time the date ended they were frozen through, but it was a good date.

Date number 2: Awesome awesome awesome! His name is Cameron and he has been a family friend for a very long time. They went to Thai Chili Garden for dinner and ate well. For dessert they had mango sticky rice, which is absolutely delicious. Camille was happy because she hadn't had such a good dessert in a very long time. After dinner they went to a concert performed by the acapella group Eclipse. They sounded incredible and even had a guest singer, Hilary Weeks. The concert was a success and they left happy. Due to the fact that the night was still young, they went to Temple Square, but were hijacked by Cameron's friends before they could make it. Next they went to Walmart then Wendy's to buy the necessary items to have a candle light dinner at a park. The company was good, the food was the same. The music wonderful. The date earned an A+ and has been labeled top five of all dates.

Date number 3: Pie making with Sam. Simple, relaxed, no pressure, clean ole fun. The conversation was easy and he is a fun guy to hang with. The pies turned out well and Camille and Sam went out the next day to deliver them to a few people in the neighborhood. It was a great day to end the weekend.

First of all, Camille has issues with first dates. But this week has done wonders to change her mind. Yay for fun dating experiences!

Obsessive Much?

Can somebody please explain me to myself? Because I'm just not getting it. I broke up with Jordan SIX months ago... except I stayed in contact with him til, oh wait, now. And I'm sure I'm over him because I want to date other guys. I want to flirt with and meet other men. And I do. Except I go on to dwell about Jordan. And I want him to move on, but when I see that he is I freak out and get super jealous like I actually have any kind of claim on him. What in the world is wrong with me?! It's been forever, I've been apart from him longer than I was ever with him, and there are certain things that bug me to the point that I couldn't marry him, and yet, I pine like a high school girl. Does anyone have a magic pill that will make this insanity stop? I'm getting a little bit desperate and it's a little bit sad. Please don't judge me even though I'm super pathetic.

Lessons Learned

The transition back to Utah has been a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. This is home, this is where I grew up and I know the system here. But when I got out here 6 weeks ago, I realized that I didn't have any friends in Logan I could randomly hang out with, nor did I have anything to occupy my time besides work, which is slow. I missed Philly like none other and felt like a premature baby leaving the womb before I was ready. I miss the people, the experiences, my friends, the job, my family, even the public transportation. I think I even slipped into a slight... or maybe not so slight depression. It's been really hard on my family as well as my grandma, which just made me feel even worse. Last Thursday night I realized that I wouldn't even be able to go to Las Vegas with the family because I couldn't get work off. I was miserable to say the least. While sitting in my room the next night, pondering what I could do to pull myself out of this funk, grandma came downstairs and told me how much she loved me. I cried because I needed to hear it, but also because I started to see just how true it was. Heavenly Father comforted me with His Spirit and His love really boosted me. With that happy burst I came up with my siblings Christmas ideas (which I'm super excited for, and I hope they understand the importance of their presents) and it gave me a goal. It gave me a purpose, which is something I've been seriously lacking. Consequently, this weekend has been incredible and I've been happier than during the last six weeks combined. I still miss Philly, and I'd give anything to be back there, but as Carrie Underwood says, "That would be like pouring raindrops back into a cloud." I can't go back, but I can always look back fondly on the time I was blessed enough to spend there. I am grateful, however, that I've had this chance to re-learn just how critical my Heavenly Father's love is for me and that I can rebuild my relationship with Him. Thank you grandma, for all your love you so freely give. And thank you to my family for the patience you have exhibited during my trying time. Hopefully now, I'll be back on my feet and be able to continually feel the peace I have had with me this entire weekend.

December Already?

Even though November took a nice long time to finish, it's still weird to think that today is the first day of December. Countdown of events: 3 days until Vegas. 10 days until Annette and Cambrie fly out. 17 days until the wedding. 24 days until Christmas Eve and 1 day more until Christmas and Dad's birthday. And that's not to mention all the small events like the John Schmidt concert or finals (for my friends of course) and spending time with my girls. So much to do and only a limited amount of time to do it. This is the time of year when I really need my planner in order to get everything accomplished.